I Just Ride
by TARDISRose
Summary: "My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am 17 years-old. My little sister, Prim, is dead. My father is dead. My mother left me alone on the side of the road. I had only 15 and a bottle of whiskey." Katniss Everdeen lives anywhere she can. Peeta Mellark just returned home from war with a heavy dose of PTSD. AU.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Yay! Another story idea! Please bear with me and my writing, though.**

Prologue

_My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am 17 years-old. My little sister, Prim, is dead. My father is dead. My mother left me alone on the side of the road. I had only $15 and a bottle of whiskey._

Sometimes I forget this. I know now that I have more than that, even if it means that I get so drunk that I forget who and where I am. It's sometimes nice, though. It's nice to forget my life. Sometimes, just sometimes, I pretend that I never went through everything I went through.

But sometimes it's nice to not get so wasted that you can't even think. Sometimes it's wonderful to be innocent. Sometimes it's not good to be a prostitute, no matter how much people pay you for your youth. Sometimes, I want to be safe in my own home, not calling home the place that I end up laying my head down to rest. But that's overrated anyway. Right?

**A/N: Well that was just a prologue. The chapters will be longer! The next chapter will be in Peeta's POV! Please review, follow, and favorite!**


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: Oh my God! Thank you so much for the response to this!**

**Guest – I'm really surprised that you knew Lana! Most people don't. **

**Remember, this chapter is Peeta POV.**

Chapter 1

_Captain Haymitch Abernathy leads Finnick Odair, Gale Hawthorne, Thresh Stone, and me. We're going into an occupied town tonight to offer hope that we will reclaim it and save them. Of course, we can't do the nice deed without a camera. Plutarch Heavensbee, our faithful cameraman, follows behind us. Haymitch (no one calls him Captain Abernathy) stays behind us and talks to Plutarch. Thresh is in the very front, way ahead of the rest of the team. He's eager to see his little sister, a nurse in the town. I'm behind him and see something. As we approach, I see what it is. It's a time bomb, with only seconds left for it to count down. _

_ I turn to face everyone behind me and tell them to run. I tell them to run anywhere but here. They follow directions and I go into help Thresh._

_ "Thresh!" I yell. "Run!" But it's too late. I, too, am caught by the bomb and go flying. I black out. The last thing I remember is seeing Thresh's dead body._

I wake up, trying to tell myself that I was only dreaming. But I can't lie to myself. That was a memory. What I would give to have a nightmare every night, if it meant escaping memories. At least with nightmares, I can comfort myself with the truth that it isn't real. But, no. I am stuck with the memory of the one I failed to save.

I sigh and sit up. There's no point in trying to go back to sleep. I'm just going to wake up in an hour scared out of my mind. I love it when I can get sleep, but more often than not, I wake up with memories floating through my mind. I lean over and grab my fake leg. I made it out of the bomb missing a leg and Thresh made it out missing his life. I would give anything to trade my life with Thresh's.

After getting ready for the day, I go ahead to the bakery. I bake for hours. It's my way of escaping the trauma of war. Doctors have determined that I have severe PTSD and need to find an outlet. So I bake. It's the same thing that I've done since I was a kid, but now, I do it as a form of therapy.

I carefully knead the dough when I hear the bell. Without looking up, I say, "We open in a few hours."

"Now, is that any way to treat your best friend?" a voice dripping with sexual desire asks. Even when he doesn't want to do you, Finnick sounds like it.

"Hi, Finnick," I smile. Gale's still serving, but Finnick returned home with me.

"Peeta, listen. I suggest that we go to a club tonight. Annie will be there with me and you need to find a girlfriend. So, let's go," Finnick winks.

"I can't. I've got to run the bakery," I say.

"Oh, forget about that. Have some fun tonight," Finnick says.

"This is my therapy and work. Something's got to pay for my doctor's appointments," I sigh.

"Haymitch's credit card works too, you know," Finnick winks.

"You don't!" I exclaim. Haymitch returned home with Finnick and me. He just drinks now.

"He's too drunk to see sometimes," Finnick shrugs.

"That's horrible. Anyway, no one would date me," I say.

"Why not?" Finnick asks.

"Why not? Oh, maybe because I have panic attacks going anywhere in public and have one leg," I say.

"Peeta, have you ever read The Fault in Our Stars by John Green?" Finnick asks.

"No," I say.

"Good. It made me cry for hours. Annie made me read it. Well, anyway, there's this girl named Hazel and she falls in love with a boy named Augustus and guess what? He had one leg. Then, he died of osteosarcoma. But that's not the point," Finnick says.

"What's the point?" I ask, rolling my eyes.

"The point is that Hazel fell in love with Augustus even though he had one leg," Finnick smiles at me. He means well, he really does.

"That's a book, Finnick," I point out.

"So? Whatever, you're coming tonight, even if Annie and I have to drag you there," Finnick says.

**A/N: So next chapter will be Katniss's POV. It begins in the club! Review, follow, and favorite!**


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: This chapter will be Katniss's POV!**

Chapter 2

I look around nervously. My best friend, Johanna Mason, told me that clubs are the best places to get a lot of business. I would be more comfortable if Johanna's here, but she's 9 months pregnant. She's going to give birth in a few days, so she's not going to get any business now.

I see two boys and a girl entering. The blonde boy looks uncomfortable in this situation. The other boy and the girl look excited. The blonde boy in nudged by his best friend and the other boy points to me. The blonde boy looks exactly like a boy that I used to know named Peeta Mellark. I summon up all of the courage that I have and go over there.

"Hi, I'm Katniss Everdeen. And you are?" I talk to the blonde and stick out my hand. He looks surprised and nervous. He gets a far off look in his eyes.

The other boy whispers in his ear, "Come on, Peet. We're not over there. Katniss is just trying to be nice. She's not going to capture you or hurt you by shaking your hand." The blonde seems to return to the present.

"I'm P-Peeta Mellark. This is Finnick Odair and his girlfriend, Annie Cresta," Peeta says, taking my hand and gently shaking it, hesitantly.

"Yeah, sorry, Katniss. I'm taken," Finnick says, his voice laced with sexual assertiveness.

"Finn," Annie rolls her eyes. "Sorry, Katniss. He's like that." I laugh.

"So what brings you here, Peeta? Are you looking for a special night?" I smile.

"He won't admit it, but he does," Finnick says.

"Well, I think he's sexy. Do you want a drink, Peeta?" I ask.

"Uh, I guess," he says.

I grab his hand and take him to the bar. He looks nervous the entire time. He cautiously sips his drink as if I poisoned it. I drink my drink in a matter of seconds, though. I always need a drink before I work. I know that makes me some sort of alcoholic but I really don't care. Peeta puts his drink down and looks around nervously.

"Um, so what do you do for a living?" Peeta asks. I don't usually talk to my clients. Of course, Peeta may not even be a client.

"Oh, I give you what you want," I say.

"You mean like…a prostitute?" Peeta asks.

"I've got to live, too," I say, looking down.

"Come home with me. Not for what you think, though," Peeta says.

"Okay," I say and follow him out.

**A/N: That was a short chapter, but don't worry! I've already started to write the next chapter! Review, follow, and favorite!**


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: Well, I finished this chapter! Peeta POV.**

Chapter 3

Katniss Everdeen. I know her. She lived in the same town as I did growing up. It was a small town that had a proper name, but everyone just called it District 12. Her dad died when she was young and her mom zoned out on her and her little sister, Prim. Now, Katniss is selling herself.

I had always had a massive crush on her. I had planned to ask her on a date when I returned home from the war, but I can't and didn't. Why can't I? She won't want me. I'm broken, both mentally and physically. If I asked her to date me and we saw a movie, I would probably get freaked out by it.

"I don't want anything from you, but here's some money," I say. It's not that I don't want anything; it's that I don't want her to see my leg and burns.

"You mean it? You don't want anything?" Katniss asks, shocked.

"I'm sorry," I say.

"No, it's wonderful! I hate selling myself, but it pays for food," Katniss says. "But I don't know why you would just give me money."

"You need it, and I didn't want you to have to do what you hate to get money. It's also extremely dangerous to do what you do," I say. Katniss laughs.

"Of course," she says.

"What?" I ask.

"You were always so compassionate and kind in District 12. I'm not surprised you're doing this. It's just so…you," Katniss laughs.

"Is that bad?" I ask.

"No. It's great," Katniss says.

"If you don't mind me asking, why are you doing this? You don't have to answer," I say. I don't want her to think that I'm insensitive. Whenever someone asks about the war, I hate having to answer.

"It's okay. Prim died last month of cancer. My mom threw me out and onto the streets," Katniss says. "Why are you here?"

I take a deep breath and prepare to answer. Talking about the war is the type of thing that makes me go into an "episode" as Finnick calls the times when I become caught in the past. I say, "I was in the war with Finnick. There was a bomb that killed one of the people in my team. I couldn't go home to the people I know. So I moved here with Finnick and his girlfriend. People at home tried to help, but I couldn't handle trying to go on in life as though nothing had changed."

"Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't know," Katniss says.

"I know you didn't know. You couldn't have known," I say.

"Thank you for the money, Peeta. I'll get out of your way, now," Katniss says.

"Do you have a place to stay?" I ask. I don't want her to have to sleep on the streets.

"No," Katniss says and looks down.

"Stay here. I have too many rooms. I don't know what to do with them," I say.

A smile spreads across Katniss's face. She says, "Thanks, Peeta."

For the first night since I've gotten back two weeks ago, I go to sleep with a good feeling.

**A/N: Yay! I got to post another chapter today! Please review, follow, and favorite!**


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hi again! I've decided that this story will be my priority. I'll then update Out of the Fire. Then, I'll update What's Scariest. If you're reading my other stories, please know that this will be how it might be, but I will try to make it even. Katniss POV!**

Chapter 4

I wake up in a bedroom that isn't my own. The bed is big and comfortable, so I know that I'm not staying in a motel. Finally, I remember what happened last night. I met Peeta Mellark and he let me stay at his house. I instantly feel bad for sleeping here. Everything here looks untouched, like he just moved in, but I just ruined it. I attempt to make my bed and go to the kitchen. I can smell bread baking, so I know that Peeta must be there.

I go into the kitchen and see that I was right. Peeta is hunched over the oven, taking out a loaf of bread. He turns around and sees me. He jumps back, causing the bread to fall. I run over there and apologize over and over again.

"Katniss, it's fine. I've dropped bread before. I have another loaf baking. Don't worry," Peeta says with a smile that lights up the room.

"Are you sure?" I ask.

"Positive," he says. I look into his eyes. They're an ocean of blue. I feel lost and caught up in them. But of course, Finnick Odair has to ruin a perfect moment.

"Hello, you two! How did it go last night?" Finnick asks. Peeta and I immediately blush. "Oh, no. Don't tell me that you're still a virgin, Peeta." Peeta's face turns redder than it was, if that's at all possible.

"Actually, we're embarrassed to tell. Shouldn't that sort of thing be personal, Finnick? It was amazing, though. I'm surprised to learn that Peeta's a virgin," I say.

Peeta mouths, "Thank you."

"Well, then. Katniss, tonight, I think Annie, Peeta, and I are going out to dinner. Would you like to come?" Finnick asks.

"Sure," I say, trying to mask my excitement. I'm being offered food! That's a great sign!

"Um, Finnick, may I talk to you alone?" Peeta asks and drags Finnick to another room. I realize I'm probably intruding, but I press my ear against the door to hear.

"What, Peeta?" he asks.

"What if I have an episode while we're out? I can't let her see me writhing on the floor, screaming for Thresh to come back, and pulling my hair out," I hear Peeta say. What happens to Peeta?

"I won't let that happen, Peeta. I'll remind you that everything's okay. I always do," Finnick says.

"I know, but I really like her and I don't want to blow this," Peeta says.

"I know you don't, but it's obvious that she likes you too. Now, can we go back out?" Finnick asks.

"Fine," Peeta says. I run to the sofa and sit down. Do I like Peeta? I think he's nice. I've always thought that he was great. He was always so smart and good. He let me in. He's letting me live with him because I have nowhere else to go. He's giving me money for nothing. But I don't know if I would go so far as to say that I _like_ him. Maybe as a friend.

"So Kitty-Kat, I'll see you at dinner," Finnick says.

"Don't call me that," I say. Finnick just laughs.

**A/N: I hope you liked this chapter! Please review, follow, and favorite!**


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N:****Hi again! Peeta POV!**

Chapter 5

I look around nervously. Finnick and Annie look right at home in the restaurant, but I can see the food grilling above an open flame. Katniss talks to Finnick and Annie, but I walk a bit behind them. I'm nervous that seeing the fire, I'll go into an episode, which I don't particularly want. It'd be bad enough in public, but I don't want to collapse, scream, and writhe in front of the girl staying in my house. I don't want her to be afraid of me. She's afraid of enough already; I don't want her to fear me.

We are seated fairly close to the fire, much to my dismay. Katniss and Annie don't seem to mind, but Finnick catches on to my discomfort. He's about to ask for another table, but I stop him. The restaurant is already crowded enough. We don't need to move. But he sits next to me. Annie and Katniss sit opposite of us. I know that he would much rather sit next to Annie, but he sits next to me, just in case I decide to lose myself and become caught in the past.

I'm scared, though. It takes Finnick minutes to get me out of one of my war-zone states. I don't have minutes. I have to get out in as little time as possible. I can't just stay. I'm terrified of what I see of Thresh and people are terrified of what they see of me. Annie's seen me. Finnick's seen me. The most of it that Katniss has seen is at the club when I zoned out, but that's not nearly as bad as it can and does get. But I'm also pretty sure that only a few people in the restaurant have seen me, and if they have, I don't want to regain my title of the crazy man. If they haven't, I would like to keep it that way.

I'm embarrassed about myself. I can't comprehend the fact that I have to go on in my life without being "normal". I have to worry about things that other people don't. If I slip into an episode, people will look. For my closest friends, this isn't as scary as it is for others. They know what's happening and try to get me out of it. As for others, they think that I'm dying or having a seizure. They call an ambulance and I'm forced to the hospital, where I'm prescribed more pills that don't work and I don't take. Needless to say, the process is less than pleasant.

I stare at the fire. I can just see Thresh's burned body in there. I can just hear his screams. I can just feel being thrown back into a rock. A constant reminder of the pain and sorrow that I felt that day, I can feel the raw skin from where my fake leg has been rubbing up against it every time I move my left leg. I feel Finnick beside me. I know where I am, but I feel like I'm in another time and place.

"Peeta, it's okay. You're safe. You're not fighting. You're alive," Finnick says, trying to comfort me. I finally snap out of it and hear Annie explaining to Katniss what sometimes happens. I'm immediately embarrassed.

"Thanks, Finn," I mumble and look down.

"It's okay, Peeta. Don't be embarrassed," Finnick says, knowing how I feel after I come to.

"I need some air," I say and walk out of the restaurant. Katniss follows me.

When outside, she asks, "Peeta, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. You can go back in, if you want to," I say.

"And leave you all alone? You helped me. I'm going to help you," Katniss says, set on doing just that.

"You can't help, Katniss," I say.

"Why not?" she asks, obviously put out.

"It's not just you. Only Finnick and Annie can help me, and that's only if I've just zoned out. No one can help me stop," I say.

"I'm sure that doctors can. They should be able to help," Katniss says, oblivious to the fact that I've tried that.

"No, Katniss! I can't just get some miracle drug that will make me normal again! Have you ever heard of PTSD?" I yell. Katniss nods. I continue yelling, "Well, I have a severe case! I can't just return to my normal life if something like a fire sets me off! It isn't like I'm you! I don't have a choice in this! You at least have a choice of being a prostitute or not!"

The hurt is evident in her face. Tears well up in her eyes and she runs inside. I feel everyone's eyes on me. Looking to escape the stares, I run inside after Katniss. As I get back to our table, I see the fire again. This time, I'm paranoid enough. I can already feel myself slipping. I try to fight it, but it's no use. In a matter of seconds, I'm in the middle of an episode.

**A/N: Well, I hope you liked that chapter! Just to let you guys know, I'm trying to make the PTSD and equivalent to Peeta's hijacking. Please review, follow, and favorite!**


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hi! Thank you to everyone who reviewed! It means so much! Katniss POV.**

Chapter 6

I'm waiting in the hospital. Peeta has been here all night. And it's all my fault. I caused him to scream at me. I caused him to want to run inside after me. I caused him to see the fire and go into an "episode", as Annie, Finnick, and Peeta call the times when Peeta goes a bit mental.

It was horrifying. He dropped to the ground, clenched his head, and began screaming. He was writhing on the ground and screaming. Not a squeal. No. A blood-curdling scream. He was tearing his hair out and screaming for a man named Thresh to run. Finnick was by his side in an instant, trying to calm him down and get him out of his episode. I heard someone call an ambulance. Annie got me out of there. When I asked her why I couldn't stay, she simply said, "Peeta wouldn't want you to see him like this."

Now, I'm waiting for Finnick to get out and tell me that I can visit Peeta. Finally, I'm allowed to go in.

"Hi," I say.

"What did you see of it?" Peeta asks.

"I saw you rolling around on the floor, pulling your hair out. I heard you screaming for someone named Thresh. And I heard you scream in general. Finnick tried to help you, and someone called an ambulance. Then, Annie got me out of there," I say.

"Anything else?" he asks.

"No," I say.

"Well, I've done it this time. I've finally convinced everyone in this town that I'm crazy," Peeta laughs.

"I don't think you're crazy," I mumble.

"Don't you, Katniss? Why are you here?"

"To make sure that you're okay."

"Because you think I'm crazy. You wouldn't be here if you thought I was normal."

"I just wanted to be nice. I'm staying with you, after all. I care, Peeta. I think you know that."

"You don't care for me. I'm not asking you to care for me. But since I'm in the hospital because I'm crazy, I'm just going to say it. Katniss, I love you. I always have. I always will."

I think about my own feelings. I really wanted to help him last night when he ran outside. I felt compelled to do something while he was on the floor. I was worried when he was taken by the ambulance. I stayed up all night to make sure that he was okay. I thought of ways to help him. I don't think he's crazy. I think he has seen too much for his time. I want to help him in any way that I can, even if I have to sacrifice something. I want to see him happy far more than I want myself happy. I think I do love him.

"Peeta, I love you, too," I say and kiss him. He sits up a little and joins in the kiss. I can feel sparks fly. I've kissed many people, but I've never felt like this. But we're interrupted when someone comes into the room.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt anything," a voice says.

"Gale!" Peeta exclaims.

**A/N: I hope you liked this chapter! This was a really bad chapter for me. I've been writing my book, too, so I'm kind of squeezing this into my schedule.**


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Gale is here. Why is Gale here? It's not that I have a problem with Gale; it's that I have a problem with him staying overseas. No, I'm not trying to be selfish, but he never contacted me after I was sent home. He talked to me a bit after the bomb exploded and doctors were trying to stop the heavy blood flow coming from the stump of my leg. He talked to me then. I knew that he was staying. Gale always fought. His pride often got in the way of him beginning a life. But I thought that he'd call and reassure me that he was alive. It didn't have to be often, but I expected something. Now, he just shows up?

"Hi, Peeta," he says.

"How have you been, Gale?" I ask.

"Fine. I decided to come home. It was driving me insane not knowing how you were. It also made me crazy, seeing all of the death and destruction. I needed to come home and see, you, Finnick, and Haymitch," he says.

"Well, here I am. I'm not exactly looking as good as I can right now. And I don't believe you've met Katniss Everdeen. She's my girlfriend," I say.

"Hi, I'm Gale," Gale says.

"Hi," Katniss says shyly.

"Peeta, I heard what happened. It's all my fault," Gale says.

"It's not your fault. It's not Finnick's fault. It's my fault," I say.

"How?" he asks.

"I'm too weak," I say.

"That's not your fault. Stop, Peeta," Katniss says.

"Maybe it's not my fault, but it is my fault for Thresh's death," I say.

"No, it's not. Thresh died because of a bomb. Not because of you. You tried to save him. You got injured trying to save him!" Gale exclaims.

"You were injured?" Katniss asks. "Is that true?"

I grimace and say, "Yes. It is true." Then, I figure that she'll wonder how, so I pull back the sheets and reveal my prosthetic leg.

There's a silence, until Katniss asks, "Why didn't you tell me?" Gale excuses himself and leaves.

"I didn't want you to pity me or think any less of me. You remember me in District 12. I tried to pretend that nothing could hurt me. I didn't want you to think that I was weak. People pity me. I didn't want you to pity me. That's part of the reason why I didn't go home. My mother would probably try to make a profit off of the pity that I received. She tried when I got home. She said that if people really wanted to make a difference, people could donate money to buy me a fancier and better fake leg. I left her. I thought it was wrong, so I left," I say.

"I wouldn't have thought any less of you," Katniss says.

"Katniss, you don't mean that. Or maybe you do now, but people react differently to things than they say they do. I saw your face when I pulled back the sheets. You wore a look of pity. I really hope that you knowing the full extent of my injuries won't change how you feel about me," I say.

"Peeta, I still love you. Nothing can change how I feel about you," she says and kisses me. This time, we are not interrupted.

**A/N: In the next chapter, I think I'll make Johanna give birth. Thoughts? Leave a review.**


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N: I'm really glad that you guys liked the last chapter! I hope you're all ready for Johanna's baby!**

Chapter 8

I'm a bit upset that Peeta didn't tell me about his leg, but I can see why he didn't. For now, though, I need to travel to the other side of the hospital to visit my best friend, Johanna Mason, while she gives birth. I know that I'm not supposed to run in the hospital, but I decide to do it anyway.

Finally, I arrive in the childbirth section of the hospital. I find Johanna's room and see her holding a baby. I told Annie where I was going before I left, so she came with me.

"Who's the girl?" Jo asks, holding her baby.

"This is Annie Cresta," I say.

"What's she doing here?" Johanna asks.

"She's my friend," I shrug.

"Oh. Hi, I'm Johanna Mason," Jo says.

"Hi," Annie says shyly. I don't know how she and Finnick are dating. She's so soft-spoken and he's so…not.

"So this is my baby girl," Johanna says.

"Oh, what's her name?" Annie asks.

"I named her Katniss, after you, Kat," Jo says with a proud smile.

"Oh my God, really, Jo?" I ask.

"No," Johanna says. I drop my own smile. "I named her Josephine, but I'm going to call her Jo for short."

"So you named her after yourself?" I ask.

"No. I named her _Josephine_. Not Johanna. But our nicknames are the same," Johanna says.

"You're so full of yourself," I laugh.

"So how did you and Cresta meet?" Johanna asks.

"A club," Annie answers.

"Oh. Did you get a lot of business, Kat?" Johanna asks.

"No. She did better," Annie smiles.

"How?"

"I got a boyfriend. He gave me money, but he didn't ask for anything. I also live in his house now," I say.

"Really? Lucky you," Johanna says.

Just now, Gale bursts in. "Katniss, thank God you're here, I've been looking everywhere. Peeta says that the doctors said that he could go home and he wants to know if you want a ride home."

"I'd love one. But why didn't you just call me?" I ask.

"What's the fun in that?" he asks with a smile.

"Hello, sexy," Johanna says to Gale.

**A/N: I hope you liked this short chapter! Please review, follow, and favorite!**


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hi! I hope you liked the last chapter and like this one!**

Chapter 9

Now, being out of the hospital, I am even more cautious going out in public. I rarely open the bakery. Sometimes, I just go in and bake for hours of the day, but never bother opening it. I can tell that people are judging me. They may not say anything, but they're judging me. So I don't let anyone in. It takes only a few minutes for me to walk to the bakery, so I'm fine. I also get out early so that there aren't as many people on the streets. I go into my room and lock the door. I don't allow Katniss or anyone in. Finnick, Haymitch, Gale, Annie, and Katniss have all tried to come in, but I shut them all out. They try talking to me through the door, but I don't respond. Finally, Katniss breaks down my door. After weeks of kicking, the hinges give in and fall.

Katniss says, "Peeta, this ends now."

I'm sitting in my bed, reading, so I'm a bit confused. I ask, "What ends now?"

"You feeling sorry for yourself! I get that you have plenty reason, but Peeta, you're going to waste your life away!" she exclaims.

"Katniss, you don't get it! You don't have to live in fear that one day, someone will say or do something tiny and you'll be trapped in the past where all of your worst memories haunt you!"

"I know what it's like to have to sell myself, though! You're talking about bad memories, well, I've got plenty!"

"War! Imagine knowing that a bomb is about to go off! Imagine that your friend is about to be caught in it! Imagine running towards him, only for the bomb to go off right then! Imagine waking up, seeing the guilty faces of your comrades that are forced to tell you that the man that you tried to save is dead and you lost your leg in the process! Try living with those memories!"

"Imagine waking up with no recollection of who you are! Imagine waking up with a stranger next to you! Imagine seeing money in your pocket and you know exactly where it came from! Imagine the risk of getting STDs!"

"You don't know how it feels to survive a blast, but your friend didn't! You don't know what it's like to wake up at 4 o'clock in the morning, haunted by memories!"

"You don't know what it's like for home to be anywhere you lay down your head! But there's no use talking to you about it! Because you don't know!"

"You don't know what it's like to wake up every morning and before you can do anything, put on a fake leg! Katniss Everdeen, your life may be hard, but not as hard as mine! Just get out of my room! Get out!" I yell. Katniss runs out of my room. Finnick walks in while she runs out.

"What did you do?" he asks.

"Nothing. I didn't do anything," I say.

"You two have been fighting a lot. Dude, she's your girlfriend. You've got to be nice to her. And you can't yell at her for trying to get you out of your room. You're like a hermit, Peet," Finnick says.

"I'm just scared. I feel awful that I yelled at her, though," I say.

"Apologize," Finnick says. Then, he calls for Katniss to come up. Katniss timidly walks into my room. Finnick then leaves.

"Katniss, I'm sorry. I'm just…I'm just scared of going into the outside world. I feel like people will be judging me because of the other night. I shouldn't have tried to undermine you. I know that everything that you went through is horrible and that we shouldn't try to see whose life is more crap," I say.

"I shouldn't have busted your door down. I'm sorry. I'm also sorry that I tried to get you out before you're ready. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry," she says. I stand up and hug her.

"Do you still love me?" I ask.

"Of course. Do you still love me?" she asks.

"Of course," I answer.

**A/N: Aww… Did you like it? Review, follow, and favorite!**


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hi again! **

Chapter 10

"Hi, I'm Johanna Mason. Don't call me 'Anna' or 'Hanna'. Unless you feel like dying," Johanna says.

"Hi, I'm Peeta Mellark. Don't call me 'Peeta Bread'. You only make that mistake once," Peeta says.

"Oh, please, Peeta. You wouldn't hurt anyone for that or anything," I say.

"Maybe I won't, but Finnick might," Peeta says.

"This is Jo. She's my baby," Johanna says. She lets Peeta hold Jo.

"Oh, she's adorable," Peeta says.

"Thanks. I think she takes after me," Johanna smiles. I don't know how she remains strong. Most people would freak out if some guy got them pregnant. No Johanna, though. She embraces it.

Just then, Gale walks in.

"Haymitch, Finn, and Annie will be here soon," he says.

"Okay, good. Johanna, do you know Gale?" Peeta asks.

"She called me sexy in the hospital," Gale smirks.

"In my defense, I was on heavy medication. Getting a better look at you, I'll just call you handsome," Johanna says.

"So you admit I'm handsome!" Gale exclaims.

"I think Peeta's handsome, too. It doesn't mean anything," Johanna shrugs.

"Whatever. I know you like me," Gale says.

"If I had a crush on you, I would probably kill myself," Johanna smirks.

"Then, you better get the gun, because you're in love with me," Gale says.

"Oh, you wish," Johanna says.

"You wish I loved you as much as you love me," Gale says.

"Do you want to make out with me?" Johanna asks.

"Can I?" Gale asks.

"Please," Johanna says. Gale goes towards her and kisses her passionately. Peeta, still holding Jo, covers the infant's eyes so that she doesn't have to witness her mother kissing a stranger.

Finnick walks in with Annie and exclaims, "Oh yeah! This is a making out party!" Then, he and Annie begin to make out.

Haymitch walks in and says, "Dear God, Peeta. Why would you do this?" Then, he leaves. Peeta and I just laugh at everyone else.

**A/N: That chapter sucked! I have major Writer's Block, so please bear with me. I will not update tomorrow because, if you didn't know, it's the 4****th**** of July! Yay! Please review!**


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hi again! I hope all of you had a good 4****th**** of July! Unless you live out of America. **

Chapter 11

Johanna and Gale didn't speak after their "incident". Johanna has become absorbed in taking care of Jo, which I think is good, especially considering Jo doesn't know her father, so needs the support from her mother.

As for Katniss and I, we remain in a healthy relationship. She comforts me during hard nights and I help her when she remembers her past. We give each other the space that we need, but if one of us really needs help, we help, even if that person puts up a fight. Thank God Katniss is so stubborn; if she wasn't, I would have drowned in my own depression many times.

"That was great, guys. We'll see you tomorrow," Annie says. Finnick and Annie then leave.

"That was amazing. I can tell Jo loved it. You're great with kids, Peeta. I'm rotten with them," Johanna says. She leaves to go to her car. Gale watches her.

"Thanks for everything. I think I'm going to go…uh…see if Johanna needs help," Gale says. He'll never admit it, but he likes Johanna a lot. This Gale is different than the Gale that I knew in the military. This Gale is more laid-back. He knows that he's no longer fighting. He knows he's safe. What I would give to know those things.

He runs out the door. Haymitch is the last to leave. "That was okay. I'm going to go see if Gale's alright. I haven't seen that kid so in love in my life," Haymitch grumbles.

After everyone leaves, Katniss and I are left alone. We turn on the television. A man named Caesar Flickerman is on. My team used to watch him at night. He's talking about something stupid, with his obviously dyed hair annoying me. I used to find it funny. He would try to pass of his blue hair for his natural hair color, but it looks like someone dropped a bucket of bright blue paint on top of his head. I used to joke about his hair and bubbly personality with Gale, Finnick, Haymitch, and Thresh. We would all impersonate him on lonely nights. But war changes you. Now, I find him insufferable. Forget about his hair, he's just so annoying and happy all of the time. I can tell that it's not real. I can tell that he's just trying to be funny.

"Peeta, are you okay?" Katniss asks. She must have seen me get a bit worked up. I return to the present.

"Yeah," I say.

"Are you sure?" she asks.

"Yeah," I repeat.

We return to watching Caesar. I'm not really paying attention. I'm looking, but my mind is somewhere else. I can feel myself slipping. I try to get a grip. I try to stay in the present. It's so hard. Maybe I should just give in… No! I can't give in. I don't know what to do.

"Peeta, what's wrong?" I hear Katniss ask. But her voice is in the background. She's not my main focus.

"Nothing," I manage to say. I get that much out. I'm too busy remembering my last night with the entire team. We were laughing about Finnick's impersonation of Caesar. It was Thresh's last night alive. It was my last night sane.

I see Katniss moving her mouth, and I can hear a soft mumbling, but I'm too deep in my memories. I finally just give up. The memories take hold of me. I can feel myself in a different time. I can feel myself in a different place.

**A/N: Did you like this chapter? Leave a review and tell me if I should include what Peeta sees during his episodes. That would really help!**


	13. Chapter 12

**A/N: Hi! A lot of you have been asking for what Peeta sees, so before I begin Katniss' POV, I'm going to begin the chapter with Peeta's POV in **_**italics**_**.**

**MiaBelles – Oh my God! That would be so sad! It would be great for the plot, but that is so sad! I'll keep that idea in mind.**

Chapter 12

**Peeta**

_ I'm back. No! No! We're all excited. Plutarch Heavensbee trails behind us with his heavy camera. Haymitch, Finnick, and Gale are laughing about last night. Finnick imitated Caesar Flickerman's annoying voice and personality. I'm trying to keep up with Thresh. _

_ "I haven't seen her in years! I can't wait to see her!" he calls back to me. He's talking about his little sister, of course. She's a nurse in the town that we're visiting. _

_ "Just wait! You're going to see her in a few minutes! We're almost there!" I laugh._

_ "I know! But I can't wait for her to meet all of you! She's sent me dozens of letters, and I've returned the favor. She can't wait to meet all of you," Thresh says._

_ "Well, she only has to wait a few more minutes," I say. _

_Then, I see it. It's a little thing. I can see the ticking time. 10…9…8…_

_I turn behind me and yell, "Run!" Finnick, Gale, Haymitch, and Plutarch do as they're told. I see Thresh going closer to it. "Run, Thresh!" I yell, but he doesn't know where to. I run in after him, only for the bomb to explode. _

_I'm in the hospital. _

"_You're lucky to have survived, kid," Haymitch says._

"_And what kind of life is this? The life of a tormented cripple?" I ask._

"_Just be glad that you got out of there," Haymitch says._

"_It should have been Thresh. I would die if Thresh could live. He had something to live for," I say._

"_Stop talking like that," Haymitch says._

**Katniss **

I begin to freak out. Peeta is on the ground. He's screaming. I know that he's having an episode. But no one else is here. How do I help? I don't know what to do.

"Peeta, come on. It's all in your head," I say. But it's not. Peeta has explained it to me. It's all memories. He is reliving memories.

He screams for Thresh to run. He pulls at his hair. I sit next to him. I try to calm him down, but nothing works. Peeta rolls around on the floor as if he's trying to escape something. I see him in so much pain and I can't bear it. I begin to cry. My tears drop on him. He continues to scream. He's screaming for Thresh to come back. He screams about how he wants Thresh to live. He screams about how he wants to die, and for Thresh to be alive.

"Peeta, stop! You're safe now! You're alive! You're next to me! I love you! You're right here! You're safe! I love you! Please, please come back!" I yell at him. I feel my tears rolling down my cheeks. I'm scared. No, I'm not scared of him. I'm scared that my Peeta won't come back to me. I'm scared that he'll just stay in his memories until he gives up on life and just kills himself. This is the thing that terrifies me.

Peeta abruptly stops. I think that he's just tired and he's going to start again. But he doesn't. He just lays still. His eyes flutter open.

"Katniss?" he asks.

"It's me," I say.

"Good. I'm alive. I'm okay. I'm safe. Is that right?" Peeta asks.

"That's right," I say. I'm crying, but not because I'm worried anymore. I'm crying because I'm relieved that he's okay.

**A/N: Did you like it? Peeta's episodes are really just his bad memories, so it's a bit less exciting than you probably thought it would be. Please review.**


	14. Chapter 13

**A/N: So sorry for not updating yesterday! I forgot to tell you in the last chapter that I wouldn't be able to update yesterday, which is the reason for two chapters in one day.**

Chapter 13

I wake up with a massive headache. I try sitting up. My head is throbbing as I rack my memory. Where am I? Why am I here? What did I do? What had happened? I look around the room that I am in, and realize that I am in the guest bedroom on the first floor. This is the room that Katniss Everdeen occupies.

"Stay lying down," a voice tells me. I look and see Katniss.

"What happened?" a hoarse voice that does not sound like my own asks.

"You had an episode. You're okay now," Katniss says.

"Finnick wasn't there. It was only you. How did you get me out of it?" I ask.

"I yelled at you." I can see Katniss blush.

"And it worked? Finnick usually tries to calm me down. I'm surprised it worked. Why am I in your room?"

"I couldn't drag you upstairs. You talked to me a bit, but then you passed out again."

"My head really hurts."

"You hit it multiple times last night while you were rolling around."

"Oh. Will I be okay?"

"You should be, with enough rest. Take these, though." Katniss hands me pain-killers.

"I always thought that your sister and mother were the nurses."

"Shut up," Katniss laughs and leaves.

"Don't leave!" I call after her.

"Why not?" she asks.

"I don't want to be alone," I admit.

"Okay," Katniss says and climbs into my bed. Shortly after she does, she falls asleep. I just look at the beautiful woman lying before me. Her hand is on my chest, and she's curled up under the comforter. She has a neutral expression. I smile as I see her.

But then she begins to thrash about. She's having nightmares. I shake her so that she might wake up. Finally, she does and cries into my shirt. I can feel her trembling against my body.

"You're okay, now, Katniss. What happened? Do you want to talk about it?" I ask.

She nods slightly and says, "I was back on the streets. A man came and bought me. It was a normal day for me, but then I saw his face. It…it was you."

"Katniss, I would never do that to you. Don't worry. You're safe with me," I say.

"I know. I'm so sorry that I dreamt that," Katniss says.

"You can't control that. Just know that I'll never do that," I tell her and stroke her hair as she sobs.

"It was better than most of my nightmares. It didn't seem as real. I think that I just felt safe in your arms," Katniss says with a blush.

"Katniss, I love you. Don't ever forget that," I say.

**A/N: Did you like it? Tell me in a review!**


	15. Chapter 14

**A/N: Hi again!**

Chapter 14

_He advances towards me. It's just a normal day for me. I don't know this man, but it doesn't matter. If he pays me, it'll all be fine. Well, I'll be traumatized, but I'll get money. I'll eat tonight. I'll have enough money to pay for a motel to stay in tonight. I begin to like it. I begin liking it, really. I used to have dreams. I wanted to go to the Olympics in archery, but I can't get that. I have nothing, but I don't really mind. I can be free out here._

_ So I love this. I travel. I meet men. I drink. I live. The man gives me money. It's over before I know it, so I stumble over to the nearest bar. I'm already drunk, but though I pretend I'm okay, I need to drink as much as I can so that I can pass out and sleep without nightmares. I'm crazy, yes. But I don't care. I order a drink and drink it all in a matter of seconds. I order another one. I order one after another, until I finally pass out._

I wake in tears, reaching for a body that I know isn't there. I'll never have Prim to help me when I'm upset. Today's her 13th birthday. She had been waiting to be a teenager and was excited. But she can never get what she wants. Cancer took her life. The disease took away my entire world. Without Prim, I was forced into a life that made me love the road and the men that came with it. It made me crazy.

I sigh and decide to start my day. Peeta has been out and about for hours. He always is. If he's not at the bakery, he's at therapy so that he can begin controlling his episodes. So I go into the kitchen and eat something. I don't really know what it is. I'm not paying attention. I can hear the rain patter on the roof.

"Great. It's raining," I mutter to myself. Prim hated the rain. I know what she would have done if she were still alive and right here with me. She would have stayed inside and insisted that I sang a song and tell her a story about how my father made my mother fall in love with him. She would curl up in my lap as I played with her hair and sat by the fire. She would fall asleep in my lap. I would carry her to her bed and watch her sleep soundly as the rain fell softly on the roof. Then, I would climb into bed next to her and try to sleep. Our mother would always walk in and braid our hair while we were asleep. She hated me and loved Prim. I can't say that I blame her, though.

I am snapped back to reality. Longingly, I stare at the woods. But no, it's raining. Prim would have hated this… No! I need to stop! I can't live like this. Of course, I could. But I don't want to. The first month without Prim was the hardest. A week after she died, my mother forced me out. For three weeks, I was living on the streets. I would cry at night, not for myself, but for Prim. I loved being on the road. I fooled myself into the thinking that, anyway. But I would cry for Prim. She died when she was twelve. She was too young to die!

I decide that I need to take a walk, even if it is raining. I grab a candle, lighter, pen, and paper. On the paper, I write a quick note to Peeta, telling him that I'm going to take a little walk in the woods and not to worry about me. I then take the candle and lighter. I stuff them in my pockets and walk out the door.

Everyone is inside, out of the rain. Everyone but me. I walk into the woods. There's a big hill in the middle of the woods. I walk there and climb up it. At the top, I sit under the big oak tree and put the candle down. I light the candle using the lighter.

"Happy birthday, Little Duck," I whisper.

**A/N: Did you like this chapter? Please review telling me your thoughts!**


	16. Chapter 15

**A/N: Yes, it has been forever since I've updated. Over summer, my schedule has been crazy, so I don't know when I'll update next. It'll be back to normal once school begins again.**

Chapter 15

I return home from the hospital. I have more useless breathing exercises to practice for whenever I feel an episode coming on. Nothing works, though. I don't know why I stay around for nothing. Maybe I'm clinging onto the hope that something _will _work, and I'll be free of episodes. But I can't get too excited for that day to come. Maybe they should just give me a massive bump to the head so that I get amnesia and forget everything in my life. Maybe then I'll forget the abuse I received as a child. Maybe then I'll forget the war. Suddenly, hitting my head isn't that bad of an idea. But I ignore the urge to do so.

"Katniss?" I call. Usually, she says hello when I get home. I go into the kitchen and see a note on the table. It's written by Katniss. Apparently, she went for a walk. I look outside and see the rain pouring down. She's not back yet, so she has to be out there. I know where she usually goes. Without bothering to grab a coat or umbrella, I run outside.

The rain stings my eyes. I squint so that I can see where I'm going to a certain degree. I know that she's on the hill that I showed her once. She always goes to that hill when she's on a walk. I run into the woods, where I dodge trees and animals. I see a figure at the top of the hill. I run up the hill. It's made harder by my fake leg. It won't cooperate, but I continue. I see Katniss next to a candle.

The fire was either never lit or it has just gone out. It looks like it was lit. Katniss is collapsed next to the candle, a lighter in her pocket. I press my ear against her heart. It's faintly beating, so she must just be unconscious. I scoop her up in my arms and run carefully down the hill. I run out of the woods. I can barely see as I sprint to the hospital. I burst through the doors and demand that Katniss is seen by a doctor. They take her away.

While I wait to see Katniss, I call Johanna, Gale, Finnick, Annie, and Haymitch. I tell them that Katniss is in the hospital. They tell me that they'll be here as soon as they can. By the time they get here, I'm allowed to see Katniss. They tell me that she's sick. As she lies sleeping, I sit by her side, holding her hand.

She looks peaceful as she sleeps. She looks like she hasn't done all of the things that she has done. Her braid is coming out. Her eyelids cover her beautiful grey eyes. I love her eyes. Despite her insisting that I have beautiful eyes, I know that her eyes are gorgeous. Of course, everything about her is wonderful. She is my world now. During the war, I thought about her during the long nights. I thought about her being my wife. I've always wanted her to be my wife. Katniss has always been the best person that I know.

The first time I saw Katniss was when we were five. She was beautiful on that first day of school, and still is. When I heard her voice, though, I knew that I loved her. She had a voice like chimes. It has a melodic quality to it. I loved it. I haven't heard her sing in such a long time. After her father died, she stopped singing frequently. The only person that could get her to sing was Prim. I would sometimes hear her sing. I cherished those moments. Now, I doubt she'll sing again. Without Prim, she won't sing.

I wonder what it's like to have lost so much family. I can't imagine losing my brothers or father. If I lost my mother, I would be sad, but I wouldn't be as upset as I would be if my brothers or father died. My mother used to beat me. My brothers and father stood up for me whenever they could. If my mother tried to take away meals, they would sneak me food so that I wouldn't starve. Now, they don't usually visit, but I don't blame them. They all have lives of their own. They call sometimes, but it's not as frequent as I would like. But if I lost them like Katniss lost Prim and her father, I would die, too. Maybe not physically, but I would drown I depression.

Finally, Katniss moves. Her eyes flutter open. I can see her lovely grey eyes. I smile at her.

"Hey, Katniss," I say.

"What happened, Peeta?" Katniss asks.

"I found you unconscious at the top of the hill in the woods. I found a candle next to you," I say.

"It was for Prim. Today's her birthday," Katniss says.

"Well, you're sick. We can leave now. The doctors gave you some medicine that you need to continue taking," I say.

"Okay. Can we go now? I'm cold. Why didn't they change my clothes?" Katniss asks, shivering in her wet clothes.

"Of course we can go now," I say and help her up. In the waiting room, we are greeted by Finnick, Annie, Johanna, Jo, Gale, and Haymitch. We all go to our house, where Katniss changes into warm clothes and talks to everyone with me. I only hope that it helped her forget a bit about Prim so that she can be happier.

**A/N: Was that a good chapter? Please let me know how it was by leaving a review! Also, remember to follow and favorite! Thank you! Oh, and I also don't know when the next update will be, so bear with me!**


	17. Chapter 16

**A/N: Hi again! My schedule is being stupid and things keep popping up, but I will continue updating as much as I can!  
**

Chapter 16

I wake up to Johanna's face hovering inches above mine. I scream and push her away. She and everyone else in the room are laughing hysterically. Jo is asleep in the other room, and everyone got bored, so they decided to scare me. I took my medicine and went to bed like I was told to do. What did I do to deserve that? I look to Peeta, who shrugs. When the laughing subsides and I get out of bed, Finnick announces that he and Annie have an announcement.

"Um… Well, we have two announcements. Finnick and I are getting married, and I'm pregnant," Annie shyly says. Peeta, Gale, Haymitch, and I congratulate them, but Johanna stands back.

"Why?" she asks.

"Why what?" Annie asks.

"Why would you want to have a baby? It hurts, Cresta. Why would you want to do it?" Johanna asks.

"Well, I mean-" Annie is begins, but is cut off.

"Oh, the 'miracle of life' and all that crap. Is that it? Because that saying is false. As great as it is to have a baby and stuff, it hurts! Seriously, Cresta," Johanna says.

"Well, I'm sorry. I want to have a baby. Is that a problem?" Annie asks.

"Whatever. It's your nerves. But when it hurts, don't come crying to me," Johanna says.

"You really know how to bring people down, don't you, Johanna?" Peeta asks.

"Yeah, whatever, Mellark," Johanna rolls her eyes.

"And it's why I love her," Gale says.

"Shut up, Hawthorne," she says and playfully pushes him away.

**A/N: Well, that sucked. It was sort of just to introduce the wedding. If anyone has ideas for a chapter, please leave them in a review. I'm drowning in Writer's Block.**


	18. Chapter 17

**A/N: Hello! I really hope that you like this chapter! **

Chapter 17

Everyone is helping with wedding plans. Johanna's helping as much as she can, but is usually home with Jo. I think that it's great that she's trying to be a good mother. I can tell that, even though she doesn't like to show affection in public, Johanna loves Jo more than she can explain. And I think that she's slowly trusting Gale, who's beginning to act like a puppy. He trails behind her everywhere and practically worships the ground she walks on. Apparently, Finnick and Annie have been planning for months before they even told us. So it's only in a month.

I'm spending time drawing cake ideas after Finnick asked me to bake and decorate their cake. I don't know if he really wants me to do it, or if he just wants to help me with my therapy. He knows that it's something I enjoy and it helps me, but I don't know how good I am. Whenever someone tells me that the things I bake are good, I never know if they just feel bad for the broken man in front of them, or if they truly like it.

I remember that they both grew up by the sea and love it. I'm thinking that I should do something ocean-related, but I'm not sure how to do that. I have an entire sketchbook filled with my ideas for their cake, but I never find the right thing. The colors are entirely wrong. The shape isn't good enough. It's not big enough. It's too small. I should make it more ocean-themed. I should tone down on the fish. Those are just some of the problems that I come across.

"That's beautiful," Katniss states after I finish a sketch of a four-layered cake that's entirely blue, with fish "swimming" in it and a frosted net cast over it.

"Really?" I ask, looking up to see Katniss.

"Yeah. You're really talented. I remember the cakes that you baked in District12. Everyone loved them. Prim would always beg me for one, but we never had the money," Katniss says, a far off look in her eyes, as if she's remembering something a world away.

"You should have just asked me. I would have given you one," I tell her.

"You would have gotten a beating from your mother," Katniss says.

"What's one more? Especially for a good cause," I shrug.

"What was it really like? Having her beat you so much?" Katniss asks.

"It hurt, of course. She convinced me that every beating that I got was my fault because I was such a screw-up. Everything changed after the war, though. I was the person that would bring her fortune. But before, she would hit me for everything. She would hit me just for being in the room at a certain time. She would take away meals, too. She would hit me with a rolling pin sometimes. She would punch me. She would push me. Once, I nearly fell into an oven while it was cooking the bread. I fell next to it, but the fire burned most of my hair. I hit my head, and she left me there until my brothers found me after a wrestling practice," I say, shuddering at the memory.

"Really?" Katniss asks.

"You've met my mother. You know that it's true," I say.

"I'm sorry," Katniss whispers.

"It wasn't your fault. Please don't think that it was," I tell her.

"It was my fault once," Katniss says, referring to the time that I burned the bread for her.

"No. I chose to give you the bread. It was my fault," I tell her, and pull her into a hug.

**A/N: There will be a massive time jump to the next chapter, where it's the wedding. Please review!**


	19. Chapter 18

**A/N: Sorry, weddings take forever. **

Chapter 18 

I run to the beach. I can't believe that I'm running _this _late. I decided to stay behind after everyone else had left so that I could finish getting dressed (I woke up late; don't judge me). But I took forever. Finally, I see Annie and Finnick standing together, looking in each other's eyes. I try to sneak in. I sit next to Peeta.

"What did I miss?" I whisper.

"Not much. But where were you?" Peeta whispers back.

"Well, thanks to you, I overslept and was late," I whisper.

"I'm sorry. You had so many nightmares and stayed up so late. I didn't want to wake you," Peeta whispers.

"Stupid Peeta. You're always sorry," I whisper.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. I roll my eyes and watch the wedding. Finnick takes Annie's hand and slides a beautiful gold ring on her slender finger. She smiles at him. Annie puts a ring on his finger, making him smile back at her.

The entire thing is so beautiful. Annie's dress is long, silky, and white. Her hair is hangs down past her shoulders. Finnick looks great, too. He has on a tuxedo. This is probably the only time I've seen him in something formal. He's usually casual.

Before I know it, the wedding is over. Finnick and Annie kiss, causing everyone watching to let out an "ooh" or "ah". We're enough on the shore so that the waves don't get us wet, but Finnick picks up Annie bridal-style and runs into the water.

After a bit of time, we all go to Finnick's house. Annie had moved in months ago. Finnick picks her up and takes her through the door. They cut the cake. Gale plays a bit of music. Annie and Finnick begin dancing slowly.

"Want to dance?" I look up to see Peeta holding out his hand.

"I suck at dancing," I say.

"I don't care. Do you want to?" Peeta asks.

"Okay," I say and take his hand. We begin dancing, me stepping on Peeta's feet several times. "Sorry," I repeat over and over again.

"It's fine. You're just not a dancer," Peeta shrugs.

"How do you know how to dance? We grew up in the same town. How can you be so good?" I ask.

"Do you remember that dance that Mayor Undersee threw before the boys in District 12 that went to war were shipped off? I went with Delly Cartwright. She taught me how to dance months before. I remember it. She was so worried that I would embarrass her. She told me that I danced with two left feet. Now, I dance with no left foot," Peeta says, with a look like he's remembering something lost in time.

"Well, I bet you were a better dancer than I am," I say.

"You're good at dancing. Don't worry, Katniss," Peeta says. He's trying to make me feel better, but I know the truth.

"You know that I am a bad dancer. But whatever. The wedding was beautiful," I say.

"Yeah, the bit you saw of it," Peeta smiles.

"Shut up, Peeta. It's your fault," I say.

"How?" he asks.

"You didn't wake me up in time," I say.

"I already told you my excuse," Peeta says.

"I know. That doesn't change the fact that I was late and it was your fault," I say.

"I love you," Peeta says. I remember when he told me in the hospital. I thought that there were just too many drugs in his bloodstream at the time. I thought that I loved him, but I'm really not sure now. I still think that he's every bit as great as he was then, maybe more. But love? I don't love. Not after I saw what happened to my mother when my father died. Not after I was abandoned. I can't fall in love and have children. I especially can't fall in love with Peeta. If he died, I would be crushed. I would die if he died. Maybe I do love him. But God, does that scare me.

The music dies down. I look around. I see Gale and Johanna dancing. Finnick and Annie kiss. Haymitch holds Jo and is swaying on the side.

"I have an announcement, everyone," Gale says. He gets down on one knee. "Johanna, will you marry me?"

Johanna looks shocked and runs out of Finnick and Annie's house.

**A/N: Did you like this chapter? Please leave a review and let me know!**


	20. Chapter 19

**A/N: Hello! I have a huge amount of Writer's Block for ****Love is a Strange Thing****, so I don't know when I will update that again. This chapter may seem OOC (mainly because it is), but I want to show that even Johanna can't always be strong. **

Chapter 19

Katniss stays to talk to Gale and maybe comfort him, but I run after Johanna.

"Johanna!" I call, seeing her run in front of me.

"Leave me alone!" she yells and runs into the woods. Great. The woods. Katniss loves the woods. I hate the woods. I can't see everything that's going on around me in the woods. And I know that it's silly, but ever since I came home, I've been terrified that I'll be attacked in the woods. But I brave the enemy and run in after Johanna. Finally, I see her scramble up a tree. I knew that Katniss could climb trees like mad, but Johanna? Why Johanna? Why now? I sigh.

"Johanna, will you come down?" I ask her.

"No. You can leave me alone, though," Johanna says.

"What's wrong? Why don't you want to marry Gale?" I ask.

"Because he'll take advantage of me," Johanna says.

"How?" I ask.

"He just wants me for the same reason everyone I met on the road does. He wants me in bed," Johanna says.

"Gale doesn't want that. He loves you," I tell her.

"How do you know what Gale really wants? I met a man named Blight once. He asked me to live with him. I agreed. I was naïve, though. He made me sleep with him every night and abused me. I finally ran away. That's when I met Katniss," Johanna says, tears streaming down her face.

"Johanna, Gale isn't like that. I've known him for a long time. He loves you. I can tell. It's the same way he looked at Madge," I tell her, trying to climb the tree only to fall back down on my bum.

"Who is Madge? Some other prostitute?" Johanna asks. She jumps down from the tree and sits next to me.

"No. Madge was a girl that grew up in the same town as him. When Gale left for war, she was crushed. A month before Finnick, Haymitch, and I came home, we received a letter telling us that she had died in a car crash. Gale's life was over. He was her life and she was his. And he didn't know what to do. But then he met you. I saw the look in his eyes when he saw you since the first day I saw you two together. I can tell that he loves you. And you can't run away forever," I say.

"It's just…I have Jo to take care of. I can't take a risk like this. I think I love him, but I don't want to. I can't. But I have to be brave, right? I'll go back," Johanna grumbles and stands. Then, she walks back into Finnick and Annie's house. I follow her.

"Are you okay, Johanna?" Annie asks.

"I'm fine. But I have an announcement. Gale, I will marry you," Johanna says.

**A/N: Did you like it? What should I do for the next chapter? If you have any ideas, feel free to tell me through reviews!**


	21. Chapter 20

**A/N: I know, I know. It's been twenty years since I last updated, but it's all because of school! Blame it, not me.**

Chapter 20

_He wears a mask as he advances towards me. I pull my bra up a bit more, making it push up higher. I am competing with other women for this man, this stranger. As he comes closer, he walks to me. The other women's shoulders drop, resigned to the fact that this had been a slow day. I guide the man to a motel. I've already rented this motel, so we just walk in and go to the bedroom. I smile playfully, hiding the pain deep inside of me. _

_ The man takes off his clothes as I take off my dress. We sit on the bed for a moment, naked in each other's presence, until he lunges towards me. He does terrible things, things that should be done by a lover, not a stranger. But it doesn't matter. _

_ "Can I know your name?" I ask, after it's all done. I'm a bit out of breath, but I want to know._

_ But he just laughs. "I think you know me, Katniss."_

_ "I do?" I ask._

_ "You do," he says and pulls off his mask. I gasp and jump back. It can't be, but it is. It's Peeta. _

I wake up screaming.

"Katniss, move over," I hear someone say. I look up and see Peeta, climbing into my bed.

"What, why?" I ask.

"You were screaming. I figured that I should come and comfort you. And I couldn't sleep. Can I sleep in your bed?" he asks.

"Fine. But if you try to do anything, I will kill you," I say. I mean it. I know that my dream wasn't real, but it was so real. And I don't want Peeta to do it to me.

"That won't be a problem," Peeta says, smiling. He doesn't understand my nightmare, but that's okay. I haven't exactly told him.

"Good," I say and move over to my right, allowing Peeta to crawl into my bed. He wraps his arms around me and closes his eyes.

I feel comforted in his strong arms. I feel safe. I know that me having a dream about him doing bad things to me doesn't mean a thing. He will never do something like that to me or anyone else. He is too kind and gentle. He is perfect. And with this knowledge, I manage to go to sleep.

When I wake up, I realize that he has already left for the bakery. The clock tells me that it's 10:17. I managed to sleep in. With Peeta, I managed to have the best sleep I have had in a long time.

**A/N: So that was a filler chapter. Let me know what you thought about it!**


	22. Chapter 21

**A/N: So this fic is coming to a close. Sorry, but there will only be a few more chapters after this. **

Chapter 21

It becomes a routine, us sleeping together. We don't do anything, but I sleep in her bed with her. I wrap my arms around her each night. We battle our own nightmares at night, but we have each other right there if we need them. I'm giving her time. I don't know if she really loves me, but I know that I love her, and if she needs time to figure out her feelings, I will give it to her.

"So, Peeta, how are you and Katniss?" Finnick asks one night when everyone is eating at Gale's house. Johanna has already moved into his house.

"We're fine. How's Annie? How far along is she?" Katniss asks, quick to change the subject.

"6 months, right, darling?" Finnick asks Annie, who is talking to Johanna about how to care for a baby.

"You should know, Finn, but yeah. And I know that I'm having a boy," Annie says.

"And he'll be just as cool as his father," Finnick says with a smile.

"Yeah, that's great, Finnick, but I have something to tell you guys. And I'm really sorry for this, but it's Plutarch's fault," Haymitch says. We all turn around to face him. He's holding a bottle of wine, and is already halfway finished. "We need to go back."

"Go back where?" I ask, panicking.

"Peeta, I'm sorry. You know that I am…" Haymitch says.

"_Go back where?_" I ask, gritting my teeth.

"Back to the warzone," Haymitch says.

"W-what? We can't go back. Why do we have to go back?" I ask, breathing quickly.

"Plutarch wants to shoot something there, showing that we're still strong, despite seeing the horrors of war," Haymitch says.

"But I can't. I'll die there. I can't, Haymitch," I plead not to go.

"Peeta, nothing will happen. We're just going to go to the site where Thresh was killed, say a couple of lines, and go home. We'll be fine, Peeta," Haymitch says.

"We can't go back, Haymitch. Peeta's right. It just can't happen," Gale says.

"Listen, it's done. We can't change it. Peeta, you'll have Katniss to help you. Gale, you'll have Johanna and Jo. Finnick, you'll have Annie. And I'll have my bottle. We'll be fine," Haymitch says. "We leave tomorrow."

**A/N: Oh, no! They're going back! What will happen? Review?**


	23. Chapter 22

**A/N: So this chapter is the last chapter before the Epilogue! I've decided to do this in Peeta's POV, just so that the Epilogue can be in Katniss's POV. And I think it'll turn out better if I do it in Peeta's POV. Oh, by the way, MiaBelles gave me this idea.**

Chapter 22 (dedicated to MiaBelles)

It's all of my nightmares coming true. I'm back. I clutch Katniss's hand, afraid I might faint.

"You'll be fine, Peeta. You're safe. It's all okay," she whispers into my ear. I nod, trying to believe it.

"Okay! So we have one night here for us to get some rest, and tomorrow, we'll start shooting! Get some rest!" Plutarch tells us excitedly. _I couldn't if I tried,_ I think.

So Katniss and I walk to the hotel we're staying in. Once we're in our room, she climbs into bed. I sit by the window and just look out the window, frozen in terror.

"Come on, Peeta. The more rest you get, the sooner we'll get up, and then we can shoot what we need to shoot. Then, we can go home," Katniss says. I climb in next to her.

"I want to go home," I say. "I'm so scared."

"Don't be. Peeta, you're fine now. Nothing will happen. We can go home soon," Katniss says.

"But I can't wait. Every time I look out the window, I see Thresh on the ground in a bloody mess. I can't sleep. I don't want to be here. Katniss, I'm just so terrified of reliving the entire thing," I say. I can feel tears in my eyes.

"You won't relive it. I'm right here with you. If you need me, just tell me. And I'll help you whenever I can," Katniss tells me, wiping away a stray tear from my face.

"Thank you," I say.

"Of course. Now, let's get some sleep," Katniss says and tries to fall asleep.

When I do fall asleep, I have the worst nightmares I've had in ages. I'm so happy when I do wake up. Then, I remember what's going on. Then, I'm not so happy.

I have to change into my old uniform. Katniss is wearing a dress. Then, we walk to the same space where Thresh died.

Plutarch turns on the camera. Gale holds Jo and stands next to Johanna, to show that he has moved on. Finnick is next to Annie. She's rubbing her stomach. And I stand next to Katniss, holding her hand tightly. I'm leaning heavily on her, trying so hard not to slip into an episode.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see a shadowy figure holding a gun.

"We have all moved on with our lives. We have found people that we've loved, and we have our own lives," Finnick says.

And that's when the figure leaps out from his hiding place and begins to shoot. I'm petrified for a moment until Katniss takes my hand and pulls me away. We run at full speed to the hotel. We run up the stairs, and into our room. We close our curtains and sit on the bed. We hear screams, and I cry. I cry and I cry, angry at myself for not being out there.

After an hour, we hear a knock at our door. Katniss stands and looks. She opens the door, and Haymitch comes in.

"Peeta, are you okay?" he asks.

"No," I say.

"Have you had any episodes?" Haymitch asks.

"No," I say.

"Okay, Katniss, come here. Sit with him. Hold his hand. I…I have bad news," Haymitch says. Katniss comes over and takes my hand. "Okay. Peeta, I'm so sorry."

"Just tell me what's happened, Haymitch," I demand.

"Okay. The shooter came. Johanna took Jo from Gale when she saw the shooter. She told Gale to run. Jo was shot. Johanna ran with her bleeding baby. Finnick was holding Annie when he was shot. Plutarch was shot last, trying to run away, but he had the camera, and it was so heavy. Finnick, Jo, and Plutarch are dead," Haymitch says, taking a deep breath.

"What? No! That can't be!" Katniss yells, but I stay silent, trying to take it all in. I can't believe it. My friends…my friends. I can't believe it.

Finnick, my best friend. He helped me when I came home. He forced me back into life, instead of staying inside all the time. He helped me so much. And Annie…oh, Annie. She's pregnant. Finnick's son will never know his father. I can't even fathom Finnick's death. Not after all this.

Jo, just a baby. She will never be able to grow up. I can't even think about the sadness that Johanna is going through right now. Johanna loved Jo so much. And now, Jo is gone. The sweet, innocent baby was killed before her life could begin.

Plutarch, the annoying cameraman. Plutarch was always so annoying, but it was nice to have someone so positive around all the time. He would make us laugh sometimes. And I never thanked him for helping us with the war effort. He would film so that people would help us. And, all that time, I just thought that it was annoying.

Silently, I slip into an episode, but it isn't the old one. It's a new one, and this time, my imagination is left to imagine the suffering that my friends went through.

**A/N: So the next chapter will be Epilogue, three months later. Review?**


	24. Epilogue

**A/N: So this is the last chapter of this story, and I wanted to thank everyone who has read, reviewed, followed, and added this story to their favorites list. **

Epilogue (3 months later)

He went crazy. Peeta went into an episode and never really came out of it. It took him a month to stop sitting in the corner of his room, curled up in a ball and screaming at least three times every day. It took him another week after the month for him to regain the ability to speak. As soon as we came back, his doctor checked him into a mental hospital. He trusted no one. He loved it when I came to visit. The doctors hoped that he would make progress. Now, three months later, he has made next to no progress.

"Hi, Peeta," I say, walking into his room, visiting hours having just started. A smile lights up his tortured face.

"Katniss! You came!" he exclaims. He always thinks that I won't come back. Last month, he told me the reason why he thought I wouldn't come back. He said that now that he's crazy, he doesn't think that anyone would want to talk to him. He wants to make progress, he really does, but he's too scared of the world.

"Of course! I'll always come back," I say.

"I know…but I forget sometimes," he says. He barely remembers most things. The first night we came home, he began screaming about how it was all his fault. He kept hurting himself. He cut himself, smashed a bottle and walked on the broken glass, and eventually ran into the wall headfirst. He lost some of his memory and became a bit delusional. And God is he insecure about it.

"Let's play a new game. You say something, and I'll tell you if it's real or not real," I say.

"Okay. I went into an episode and killed Finnick, Jo, and Plutarch. Real or not real?" Peeta asked.

"Not real. You didn't kill them. A crazy man who wanted revenge on the soldiers for killing his family did," I say.

"Oh. I'm allowed out of here when I get better. Which will be never. Real or not real?" Peeta asks.

"The first part is real. You're allowed out when you get better. The second part is not real. You will get better. It'll just take time," I tell him.

Just then, Gale, Johanna, Haymitch, Annie, and Finn come in. Finn is Annie's baby.

"Hi. You came," Peeta says.

"Yeah. We did. How are you?" Gale asks.

"Fine. How're you?" Peeta asks politely.

"Fine," Gale says.

"And the rest of you?" Peeta asks.

"We're fine," Johanna says. I know the truth, though. They're not.

Johanna is constantly depressed after Jo died. She stays up all night, just so sad. And Gale's upset, too. He hates seeing Johanna so upset, but he knows that he can't do anything about it. As for Annie, she couldn't be worse. She's cut herself off from the world, investing all of her time in Finn. She worries so much. Finn is the last reminder of her Finnick. Haymitch isn't doing so great either. He drinks more than he used to. One night, I just know that he'll drink himself to death.

"We're playing a new game," I say and explain the game. Peeta asks questions, some real and some not real. And everything seems fine.

There's a silence after Haymitch sternly told Peeta, "not real" to Peeta saying, "I'm such a burden that I'd be doing everyone a favor if I just killed myself already." And in that silence Peeta turns to me. He says, "You love me. Real or not real?"  
I don't have to think. I just answer, "Real."

**A/N: So I hope you liked that last chapter! As I said up top, thanks to everyone who stuck with this story! **


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